Confused

When you think the feeling has fade, when you think everything is okay. That is if no one says anything, probably living in denial. I don't know what else I can do. I tried not talking, but it doesn't work. For some reason, I will just end up texting you whenever I feel like it. And the thing is, it is good that you don't reply. I prefer it that way. In that way, only I will stop myself from doing all those nonsensical things or think that there is a chance (this doesn't sound like me, but I can't help myself). I never thought things like that will happen in me. You usually will see these in movies, not real life. 

I obviously do not have hopes or whatsoever thing you call it. It is not going to happen. In fact, nothing is going to happen, nothing is going to change. Everything will be normal, be the same, as usual. I told myself that a million times. But how fast can the feelings fade away if we both keep talking. Sometimes, I wish that I didn't know you, probably it's better if we didn't talk so much. I thought things will be fine, it will all be okay. I don't think it is. Well, it's better that I keep it to myself and not show it out, pretending that I am okay, and everything else is normal. Sometimes I ask myself, why do I need to pretend that I am okay when I am not? Telling you my feelings won't change anything, of course I don't expect any outcome. But at least some sympathy or whatever word you call it. It is not nice, having a bunch of people teasing you with a guy when the guy is in a relationship for so many years. I feel guilty, I feel bad because I know I should not fall for a guy who has a partner, that makes me look like shit. The feelings is just bad, way too bad, that I don't know what to say. It is difficult to keep things to myself, I am at the verge of bursting. Telling the rest that you have a partner and stop teasing us, coz it is not nice. Really, it isn't nice to me. I feel so crappy, so disgusted by what I am doing..

xx
MY


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Busy Bee!

Greetings! Yes, I am left with one more test, yes test, not final examination. But regardless, there are so much to remember! This is what you need to do when you are studying a subject with a bunch of theory, how sad or should I say pathetic. I guess feelings do fade, or it doesn't last if it isn't the right person, well or at least you once think that it is the right person. That's confusing. Nevertheless, it is time to wake up! There's so much to do, so little time! No time for all these things at the moment. I've been telling myself to keep myself busy, stop thinking, and I guess it did work, in a way. I have more things to do for now. I assume it's something good, just to keep myself occupied. Planning road trips with my besties, thinking of what I can do for the next four months of holidays. And, of course, studying as final examinations are around the corner. When I think about it, I feel like I am probably very silly. Overthinking, perhaps? Whatever it
Read more

Feelings

It's 1 am in the morning and I decided to set-up a blog when I am suppose to be studying for tests next week. But, here I am, writing a blog. It has been a long time since I write. Phew.. This is probably the place I can rant things out. Have you ever ask yourself what are feelings? An emotional state or reaction? Does it have to be related to anything like love and affection? Or am I confused by the definition of it. It has been weeks since we spoken about that, it has been weeks that I kept this to myself. I reminded myself to draw a line, distant myself from you. But I just can't as much as I want to, as much as I know I need to. It is not easy to just distant yourself from a person, no?, after all those ups and downs throughout months. I constantly tell myself that this isn't the right person, it is not correct to fall for this person. But who is it to judge what is right or wrong? Often times, I ask myself if what I am doing is right? Should there be a line? Should I
Read more

When?

As much as I try not to think about it, it still bothers me. It hurts so much that I don't know what to do other than ignoring you. Trying my best to avoid you because I know there is no outcome to this. It is difficult to pretend to be all okay and still talk to you. I wonder if you did consider about my feelings? I wonder why will I even fall for a person like you. No, I am not saying you're not good. It's just that it is wrong to have feelings for a person who has a partner. I hate myself so much for having feelings for you. I thought, perhaps I should have ignored you from the day I confessed. I am having a really hard time to digest the fact that you have a girlfriend and still can be close to another girl. I mean, how can you even differentiate your feelings so well. How is it even possible? I am not saying it isn't possible, but it's just, wow. I don't know what else is there I can tell you or how else to talk to you. It just hurts a lot and I don't
Read more